ME’SHELL NDEGEOCELLO / “Why”

This music is stolen starlight. By the time we hear it, Meshell has long since moved on to other musical galaxies, nevertheless we are still enchanted, still wishing upon a star whose light engenders adoration but now, in real time this music is no more. No more. Something so beautiful has died. This is a song of the dead. The “Grace”-ful dead.
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You could weep listening to some of the vulnerable moments. We all have waited. Sat somewhere, waiting on someone. “Outside Your Door.” The ache of intimate recognition. I have loved and I have cried. I have been deliriously happy in some one’s arms, some one who no longer desires to hold me. I have hurt—deeply hurt someone who trusted me, been deeply hurt by the most casual of caresses from a person who mistook me for love’s play toy (or was I the mistaken one?).
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Me'shell revels in revealing the scar tissue, the pleasure induced love deceptions that we (sub)consciously dissemble, blaming it on affairs of the heart when really it was nothing but surrendering to the sublimity of carnality or the luxury of temporary tenderness. We willing pretend we are in love when really we are in love with the idea of being in love, not in love with the person who momentarily embodies love’s ideal.

The tip off is that Meshell says “fuck” where many of us euphemistically say love. E.g. that keyboard solo on “Satisfy” and Me’shell implores: Come on Fred, fuck me some more. And off they go into a deep, deep funk.

Listen to this version of “Bitter,” to Me’shell’s opening question about breaking someone’s heart. Much of this music is about savoring the aftertaste of love, the immensity of feeling the anticlimactic after tremors, the room has moved, your heart has moved, your life is in a different place, except the mover is gone. Beautiful memories can hurt so thoroughly.

I’ve always loved this band with Gene Lake on drums and Frederico on keys. Fifty years ago they would have been a jazz band. They love to play, to stretch out, to groove, to improvise. And they are good at it. Very good. And like most jazz bands, they are best live, best when they are playing full out not worried about an artificial time barrier or a need to fit some formula. You can tell that Me'Shell is enjoying herself the way she banters with the audience and calls out cues and solos to the band. Meshell laughs derisively about going out on tour and getting to play for 35 minutes as an opening act. They are musicians. They want to play. They need to play. Listen to them play.

The audience’s energy is fuel propelling the music to other levels.
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I know also Meshell is doing live better than what she did on the studio recordings; better not simply because it’s a concert but because the band is relaxed and really into the music and Meshell has that talk-singing thing down pat, so much that she does not sound like she is reciting but rather like she is reflecting, sitting up on the edge of a once-shared bed and nakedly expressing the quiet agony of aloneness. Expessing. Herself. Unashamed of her rawest needs and desires. Revealing her contrary moods and her certainty and agreement with the Brazilians: happiness ends. Always ends. Sadness is forever.

I do not know the provenance of this recording. I know the date and place: New York City, November 18, 1999. This does not sound like an audience recording. Sounds like a rip from the soundboard. I am breaking a capitalist law by sharing this. When is it right to share stolen goods? Love is my defense. And also Meshell’s anti-racist, anti-record company rant.

 

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I don’t think she authorized this bootleg, but I don’t think she disapproves. This rose has poison-tipped iron thorns. This beauty is not afraid nor shy about confronting ugliness. She will fight for her right to be vulnerable. When it comes to love she is no pacifist. Me'shell knows that capitalists are cannibals and that they think of her dark talent as food. She knows that it is better to give away beauty than to sell one's soul.

Listen to “Why” and you will understand that Me’shell is not certified as safe by the FDA. (FDA = food and drug administration.) Me’shell is not safe; Me’shell is tres dangerous. Ain’t it wonderful? Goddamn it, yes. A mighty YES! A wonderful dangerous.

—Kalamu ya Salaam




            About Bitter           

"This music is stolen starlight." I like that.

I have a lot to say about Meshell. When I think back over the last decade or so in Black contemporary music, I think she's been the most consistent artist out there. I love Erykah Badu and D'Angelo, but neither of them record enough for me to consider them alongside Meshell. These days, she's by herself.

One of the things I really respect about her is the way she continuously takes on different styles of music. She doesn't do it half-heartedly either. She doesn't hedge her bets. If she's going to do a hip-hop themed album, she does it. Rock? She does it. Funk? Check. Reggae and spaced-out ballads? Check. And then there's my favorite thing that she's done, the Bitter album. Meshell says it was inspired by some of the themes and musical styles she heard when she did the Lilith Fair tour. That tour is all-female and mostly singer-songwriters. It's a lot of "sensitive women with guitars" type stuff. Some of that music, I dig. Some of it, I don't. Meshell heard it and thought, "I want to try that."

A lesser artist would've maintained their usual style but thrown in some acoustic guitars or done something else relatively superficical. Not Meshell. From the opening notes, she dove in deep, crafting and playing music that sounded like nothing she'd done before (or since). I really respect that. She's both willing and able to take chances. Of course, she also knows she has to maintain a certain level of marketability and income, hence the Sting tour (where, as she says on the live recording, she and her band get to play just thirty minutes and then split) and the John Mellencamp collabo, etc. Like they say: baby's gotta eat. But when it comes to her own recordings, Meshell comes with the real every time. I don't always like everything she does, but I always respect and appreciate what she does because I know she's coming with everything she has. She's trusting the people that dig her to deal with the twists and turns without getting off the ride.

I went off on this tangent about Bitter because this concert sounds like it must've been from that time. She opens with three songs from the Bitter album. Two of the three are fantastic. Even better than the album versions...both of which I consider some of the best songs Meshell's done. I think though, that this is where Kalamu and I disagree because he didn't pick either of the two songs I like so much.

"Wasted Time" gets flipped into a trance-like meditation on the concept of things that are broken or bent or twisted or maybe even were never right in the first place. The thing I like is how Meshell extends the song to nine minutes long without adding a single extra word. That home-made sounding groove comes off like something inspired by the drum machine from Marvin Gaye's version of "The Star Spangled Banner." It's a great piece of work.

"Faithful" gets the same treatment: Meshell extends it way, way out but without superficiality, fluff or waste. The lyrics are devestating: the mostly transparent justifications of a serial cheater. "I'm weak / I go astray / Forgive me for my ways / No one is faithful." I've never been a player or a cheater, but I relate just the same. "I hear voices sometimes," she says, "And I can't stand to be alone." The lyrics don't brag. They barely even explain. It's just: this is what it is.

Then there's "Loyalty." Another song from Bitter that isn't in the jukebox.

(As an aside, me and Kalamu are both crazy about Meshell, but it's like we come at it from opposite ends. We overlap in the middle, but he digs the extended funk workouts that I skip while I bliss out to the edgy folk tunes that he could take or leave. Years ago, I remember writing a glowing review of the Bitter album. I asked Kalamu what he thought about the album. He said it was like aural wallpaper. I had to laugh at that phrase. It was dead-on. I knew exactly what he meant when he said it. Of course, I didn't (and don't) agree in the slightest, but I knew where he was coming from.)

Anyhow, "Loyalty" is about a boy and a girl who think they might be in love. They're feeling each other out, trying to make it. But the girl's mother has some advice for her daughter. "Trust only in change," the mother says. "'Cause hearts change, but betrayal always feels the same." That's rough.

Look, I'm rambling in circles on a Sunday night over here in San Diego. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you can't buy this bootleg (or even if you can find it somewhere, you probably shouldn't buy it), but you can buy Bitter. It's one of my favorite albums of the last...oh, I don't know how long...a long time. I've been listening to it since it came out years ago and I'm still not even close to sick of it. I think it's Meshell's best work. And that's coming from someone who thinks Meshell has done looooots of very, very good work. Get it. Seriously.

—Mtume ya Salaam

P.S. Oh, and one other thing. Meshell's definitely not shy about saying "fuck" if the situation warrants it, but in this case, I thought she said "funk." Y'all be the judge.

 

This entry was posted on Monday, December 3rd, 2007 at 1:05 am and is filed under Contemporary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.


3 Responses to “ME’SHELL NDEGEOCELLO / “Why””

Matthew Says:
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:25 am

Those pictures sure look familiar…


Ama Says:
December 4th, 2007 at 11:26 pm

Me’Shell is my Girl!

Thank you so much for posting this. I saw her in what may have been her first gig in London around 1991 or 2 when “Steppin to the Projects” was playing on the radio. This was in my serious record buying, trying to exercise black nationalism in my little bit of market choice freedom days. She completely blew me away with the totality of her performance — I had just never SEEN a one woman band on bass, drums, the whole thing and it was like Oh No this sister is too serious. I think they had an outfit called the Watermelon Society (hope I’m not mixing that up with someone else.)

Over the years listening to whatever comes my way here in Jamaica, it’s clear that the world is scared of a sister with that much ability. We like women to sing, maybe DJ a little and look pretty. We don’t want them to take us to to disturbing places, we definitly don’t want them lesbian, and it has occurred to me over the years that she is just too talented for the music world to contend with. I am disappointed in us, collectively, for not standing up for this sister more often, more deeply and loving the artist that she is.

My respect, Kalamu, as always


krystal Says:
May 20th, 2010 at 9:56 am

I Love Meshell to Death!!!!!! She’s Hotttt!!!


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